


I Am What I Am

by GoosewithaNuke, Holtzmann_lover



Series: Ghosts, Love, and Other Things [4]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Coming Out, Facebook, Interviews
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 05:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21265643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoosewithaNuke/pseuds/GoosewithaNuke, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holtzmann_lover/pseuds/Holtzmann_lover
Summary: Hotly is silenced when asked about her sexuality in an interview. Based on the interview where Kate was asked about Holtzmann's sexuality and was told not to talk about it.





	I Am What I Am

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whgeJKCmIdE
> 
> Here's the video!

Holtz was hanging out in the green room while her colleagues were getting ready for their interview. She was already ready. Wearing her Ghostbusters uniform and her signature hairdo, and of course her ‘Screw-U’ necklace. 

Erin was ready next, she sat next to Holtz with her face freshly made up and smiled awkwardly, “Are you ready for this?” Erin asked. 

Holtz grinned at her, “Of course.” 

“But this is a live interview,” said Erin, “they could ask anything.” 

Holtz laughed, “I don’t have anything to hide,” she said confidently, then she added in a dark voice, “except for the man I killed...but we don’t talk about that.” 

Erin wasn’t sure if that was a joke or not, so she chuckled awkwardly. 

Abby diffused the tension by entering the room, “Are you guys pumped?! It’s our first interview!” 

Erin’s mouth twitched into a nervous smile, she was happy that her friend was excited, but she couldn’t contain her own nerves of being in such public view. 

Patty took the longest to get ready, it’s not a crime for her to look good, but she did sometimes spend too much time choosing the right pair of earrings. 

Alongside them was Jennifer Lynch, who had reluctantly allowed them to do the interview. She wasn’t so comfortable with the Ghostbusters saying whatever they wanted on a live feed, given they were funded by the government. But they did need to get the word out there for their funding to be worth anything. She was there to stop them from saying anything they shouldn’t, even though nobody even knew that they were funding them. 

There was a wide couch set up for them to sit on and a chair across from them for the interviewer to sit on. There were cameras facing both of them so they could get coverage of the whole interview. 

Jennifer sat to the side where the cameras couldn’t see her but the Ghostbusters could see her. She was ready to intervene at any moment if she had to. The four sat down on the couch. Erin, Abby, Holtz, and Patty. The interviewer sat across from them with her papers on her lap.

“And we’re live in three, two…” The cameraman pointed at the interviewer.

“Thank you for joining us on Facebook Live this morning with the Ghostbusters! I’m Julie and I’ll be joining them today to ask them your burning questions!” The interviewer smiled brightly and turned to the Ghostbusters.

“All right, first question, from Jonathan Tyler, Have you always wanted to bust ghosts?” read Julie. 

“I think I speak for all of us when I say busting wasn’t really our main goal,” said Abby, “we wanted to capture and study them; which we do as well. Busting just sometimes comes with the territory when the ghosts are benign.” 

Erin nodded. 

“I wanted to be a librarian when I was a kid,” said Patty. 

“I wanted to be a mad scientist,” shrugged Holtz, “so I guess that worked out for me.” 

The other Ghostbusters laughed. 

“Right,” chuckled the interviewer with a smile too broad to be real, “next question.”

Julie read from her papers, trying to find a good question for them to answer. “Zack Anderson asks why you guys got into the topic in the beginning.”

Abby, Holtz, and Patty all looked to Erin. It was only fair that she answered because it was her story to tell.

“I saw a ghost when I was eight,” Erin told Julie in a timid voice. She left out the details of how she was haunted every night, but not everyone needed to know that.

“Next question,” Abby prompted, just in case Julie asked something a little nosy about Erin’s experience.

Julie took the hint and moved on, “The next question comes from Lauren Whitman, If you could be any animal for a day, what animal would you most like to be?” 

Holtz leaned forward, taking the question very seriously, “Interesting question, Lauren Whitman,” she said, “I’ve actually given this some thought before. I’d like to be a giraffe. They require very little sleep so I could get a lot of work done. Plus then I’d get to be tall for once.” 

“You’re not that short,” said Julie. 

Holtz squinted at her, “I’ve been told I have tall energy,” she said, “I’m 5 '3”.”

“I’m shorter than you!” laughed Abby. 

“Well, you can be a giraffe too,” said Holtz. 

“I don’t wanna be a giraffe,” said Abby. 

“What would you be?” Holtz asked with great interest, she’d gotten too into the question.

Abby smiled, “One of your chinchillas, because then I know I’d be living in luxury.” 

“True,” grinned Holtz. 

Julie smiled again, ready to move on from the dumb question, “Andrew Zimmers asks If you could time travel, what year would you go to?”

“I would go to the 1940s and meet Einstein,” said Holtz.

“Me too!” Erin exclaimed, “he was such a renowned physicist, I’d love to pick his brain, he could help us so much.” 

Holtz waved a dismissive hand, “Not because of that,” she said. “The man was a fashion icon. I need to know how he got his hair to look like that.” 

“Well, I would go to 40 B.C. so I could visit The Library of Alexandria,” Patty announced.

Julie flipped the page to read more fan questions. “Holtzmann, this one’s for you. There have been multiple questions submitted about this.”

“Uh huh,” Holtz nodded, getting ready to answer. 

“Many of the questions are about your sexuality. Do you mind sharing?” Julie asked.

Holtzmann was not expecting that question. She thought that it was obvious and that it really didn't matter. But she wasn’t going to not answer.

“Well I think that-”

“Um, we don’t really need to talk about that,” Jennifer spoke up. “We’re here to discuss what they do in their field of work.”

Holtz shut up, not knowing what to do. She frowned, feeling like her say didn't matter. And how did the mayor’s assistant know anything? As far as Holtz knew, Jennifer was straight and probably didn't even look at women in the way the Holtz did at all.

Julie moved swiftly on to the next question, “Right, umm, from Penny Miller, Who makes all of the tech?”

Holtz was zoned out, she was hurt by the silencing she’d just received. Abby noticed Holtz’s silence and answered the question, “That would be our resident mad scientist here.” she tapped Holtz’s knee to indicate who she was talking about. Holtzmann didn’t acknowledge the touch.

Patty piped up, “Yeah, and she’s totally helping the environment by using all recycled materials.”

Holtzmann remained spaced out for the rest of the interview, leaving the other Ghostbusters to answer the rest of the questions that were aimed at her. 

The interview was wrapped up and they said their goodbyes and thank you’s before leaving. Homeland Security was kind enough to give them a ride to the office where the interview took place. Nothing was mentioned about the question that was shut down, but it was still on Holtz’s mind. Why did she have to be quiet about who she was? It didn't affect the mayor or his assistant. The only person it affected was her. 

The Ghostbusters were dropped off at the firehouse and Patty went to relax with a new book she bought while Erin and Abby went to watch a documentary that recently came out on TV. But Holtz went upstairs to her lab without another word.

Holtz pulled up the video on her phone. She knew she shouldn’t watch it because it would make her upset all over again, but at the same time she needed to see what happened. 

She watched herself as the interviewer asked the question and as Jennifer shut her answer down. Then she couldn’t watch herself anymore. She scrolled down so she wasn't looking at the video anymore. She realised she’d scrolled to the comments. 

Some comments were about the other questions that had been asked but the majority of them were about the question regarding her sexuality. Some were uplifting and positive, telling her to be herself while others were mean and negative, making her feel even worse about herself. Holtz didn't know what to do now. Should she reply to the comments or leave them be?

She read every single comment two or three times; going through moments of tears and smiles. By the time she was done she’d reached a conclusion. She needed to talk to these people, to tell them who she was and why it was more than okay to be that person. It seemed from the comments that a lot of other people needed that affirmation as well. 

She opened the camera app on her phone and flipped to the front facing camera. She sat up and looked at her face for a moment. Her eyes were a little red and puffy from the tears, but her cheeks had dried, she gave herself a sad grin before tapping record with her thumb. 

“Hello Internet,” she said with a broad grin. Then she dropped the grin, “If you’re watching this I guess you’ve probably already seen the interview my friends and I just gave. Which means you definitely saw me get silenced when I attempted to answer a question about my sexuality,” she took a deep breath to calm herself before continuing, “I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around why it even matters. We’re all human whether we like the same gender or not. It shouldn’t matter when we go to job interviews or even in simpler cases like going to the grocery store. Yes, I’m gay, but I don’t want you to think about that. I’m an engineer and I want to be known for that. Not who I like. To all the young girls and boys out there who are trying to come out, you’re more than enough and you don’t need to be just one thing. So if you see me out on a date with a woman, remember that I’m just me. A female engineer who just so happens to like women.”

She tapped the stop button. Then before she could give herself a chance to change her mind or worry too much about the response (or consequences in the case of Jennifer Lynch), she began uploading to the Ghostbusters Facebook account.


End file.
